i met a long time friend in a restaurant and over dinner i made this humble comment on how working women in delhi force their husbands to live a life of bachelor even after marriage. since the couple are busy or tired after work, they seldom do the cooking at home. so it is chole bhature or chole kulche or similar other delhite fast food that they have to do with. or else it is wholesale cooking, i.e. cooking for several days at a stretch. however this comment was not easily palatable to my female friends back in pune. actually this friend of mine posted this in his blog and i was instantly tagged male chauvinist.
below i have attached my explanation to the same, which definitely didnt pacify the ladies angered by my chole bhature comment:
Didn’t know my simple dining table comment would generate so much of opinion. So here I am to explain my stand (would try to give the best possible explanation). And let me tell from the very start that I am putting down my opinion. And it has never been my intention to hurt the feelings of any person. I know this will be a really long mail, but if you want an explanation you will have to bear with it.
Feel all of you might be thinking how conservative thinking I have. But let me explain I really am not that conservative. I am for greater respect to women and would always stand when women are being victimized; of course to help them out.
Talking about sharing of work between men and women. Yes, I also have a pucca belief on that. A loving husband (if you are) wouldn’t favor that his wife is toiling hard with household chores and he is busy watching cricket. His hands automatically reach out for things that he can best do.
Now that brings us to the question of what tasks is a man ‘best’ at doing. Certainly not all the tasks. Men and women have been programmed in different ways. While men can do out-of-the-home things better, women are programmed to do things inside the home. I have theory to support this. If you want you can read it, or can SKIP this.
(Sigmund Freud has explained in one of his theories (don’t remember the name) how men and women are different. In the Stone Age, men would go out far away into the jungle to hunt for animals. So men became very skilled at tasks that involved high physical aggression. Men are also good at directions since they had to return home from far away regions. Women in turn had to go look out for roots, herbs etc. in local region. This involved precision. So women became too skilled at doing things near to home and tasks that involved precision like cooking, sewing, etc.)
Now whatever men and women did in the past, their habits was further made pucca through practice over the centuries.
And if you are trying to turnaround the practice in a matter of decades, it surely going to hurt people like me. I being a bachelor for all these years, have experienced how it’s like living alone. Don’t let your imagination fly. I am talking about the food etc. That was the primary talk that day when I met Shreyas. Have been somehow eating; though now we have a maid who prepares everything except what we tell and what suits our taste buds.
So if I am marrying now, I would certainly expect good food, which let me tell you I am not able to prepare. So if I have talked about women doing the household chores, why was there such a ruckus over the issue?
Women can pursue their careers. I have no problem with that. At least that is why they have studied. But what shall be the solution if both couple reaches late at home. Both are drained of energy. They seldom have energy to prepare food. And food is just the tip of the iceberg. There are many more things that people come across once they are married. What about the children? Do you hope to raise them in crèches? With the way we are heading towards neutral families we also ensure that there are no dadis and nanis to take care of your child. And then what about you? Drained of energy are you going to give your wife or husband the time and attention desired?
I know this has gone to serious note but really don’t know why I come to have so hard feelings for this issue. May be I too don’t have a solution in sight, and that’s why the frustration. If you have a solution, that which satisfies women’s need for independence, yet upholds the family, do share it with me. All ears to learn from you.
waiting for the comments.”