Bihar drowned in floods

I feel sorry for bihar where the floods have rampaged the entire state.

I would want every indian to extend their support in helping the people of bihar.

The central government has been kind towards the plight of biharis by granting Rs 1000 crores.

The bihar floods has also been declared a national calamity.

Thanks Manmohan Singh ji

Bihar Floods

However, there is still a lot that needs to be done towards the plight of poor biharis.

Operation Eunuch and the Murphy’s law at work

My neice is the result of several prayers – the entire family worshipped almost every god to bless my elder brother and bhabhi with a child. four years into their marriage and bhabhi had not still conceived. Finally, with the blessings of all the gods and one special person, our neice was born on the 8th of january, 2008 – a new year gift to our family. I devote this post to that special person and the related travails.

when brother talked about the problem to his colleagues, someone suggested getting bhabhi the blessings of a hijra. each such advisor has numerous instances supporting his suggestion; about how someone’s wife became pregnant immediately after she was blessed by a hijra. although this was very common for us, we didn’t see any problem in trying it for once. may be, it strikes this one time.

a hijra is a eunuch, who we come across very often dancing at public places with their characteristic clapping style. They can be found in abundance at bus stands, railway stations, markets, and near houses that have recently witnessed some good news like marriage, child birth etc.

but that day was different.

the four of us- father, mother, bhabhi and me – were out in search of a eunuch. the summer was at its peak and we decided to leave early in the morning to escape the sun. bhabhi had to eat nothing until we met the hijra. mother too didn’t eat anything (she strongly believes that she can win over god through penance). father and I didn’t feel like eating anything so early in the morning.

ISBT or kashmere gate bus depot is the closest from our home- also many eunchs can be found here. almost everyday they raid our bus and people have to give them not less that Rs. 10 if they want to save their face.

Thus, operation-hijra began at ISBT.

since the others would have done little than increased commotion, i asked them to comfort themselves on a bench while i went looking for a eunuch.

although i feared talking to a hijra and also there was some embarassment, i took the initiative.

i went to every nook and corner where they are generally found; near the public toilets (they stink), bus stand, and similar other isolated places. but they were nowhere to be seen. on that particular day, the hijras had done a complete disappearing act.

i once spotted a person who resembled a hijra, but didn’t have the guts to ask her. there were no visible symptoms to prove that he was a hijra.

are they on some kind of a strike? However, to the best of my knowledge, hijras or their association is not striking work; in fact they never have.

after half an hour of futile search, i came back to the place where my parents were sitting. it was already 8 and bhabhi was feeling uneasy with hunger. she was a bit angry when i returned empty-handed. she was pacified only when i informed her about the tight situation.

since our search was a little weird, we couldn’t also take the help of any other person. women though are quite adept at handling such situations. mother quickly gathered information from another lady sitting closeby, about the kashmere gate market where several eunuchs stay and can be easily found. the lady looked at us in a strange manner. god knows what mom said to her.

although i wasn’t sure of finding success, i had no choice. so we headed for our next destination. the kashmere gate market – majorly known for its auto parts market.

there were many fruit stalls around here and bhabhi started purchasing apples for her fast that fell the next day. she dropped her plans when mother asked to focus on the immediate task at hand. but soon her attention was diverted to nail cutters. mother decided to ignore her.

once again, i went out in the search for a eunuch while the others stood near the fruit stalls. father insisted on coming along.

No luck here too. after spending more than an hour with father, no hijra was found.

it was already 10 and the temperature was rising. also the place was unclean. so we decided to head for purani delhi railway station (old delhi railway station) which again is known to house hundreds of hijras. don’t believe me? just check on any of the trains originating from this place and you can find many of them. you will have to cough up as much as Rs 50 to escape their terror. they do embarassing acts. the only way you can escape their terror without any payment is when you are with family or there is a women in your compartment.

father insisted on taking a platform ticket. he is very strict about going by the rules.

One seldom visits a railway station except when he/she is travelling by train or receiving people from back home. and here we were for a completely different reason. thankfully, there was no compulsion to visit any particular platform.

everyone was drained of energy by now. while they relaxed on the bench, i left to unearth the hijras from their cover.

Before starting off with operation eunuch, i decided to make a strategy. since there are several platforms, i decided that the best way would be to keep moving on the flyover and move to a particular platform when i spot a hijra downstairs. However, the futility of the super strategy was exposed in three rounds of the flyover. i decided that it will be easier that i resume the search on platform number 12, which has the largest crowd. something within my mind said that i would surely spot a hijra here. and i did find one. but the things that followed will be forever remembered.

he was all alone (they normally operate in groups) and looked ready to leave after recovery. i spotted him when he was some 200 metres away from me. from his actions and clothes i was pretty sure that he was a hijra, and i started moving towards him.

since he was a little far and i didn’t want to miss this one last hope i started taking bigger steps now. to my amazement, the hijra too began moving faster. he had spotted me from the corners of his eyes and mistaken me for a police wallah or some local gunda planning to steal away his cash.

unable to match pace, i began running. the hijra too started running. until we were on the platforms, it appeared as though we were both running to catch the train. however, very soon it was clear that i was running after the eunuch. God knows what everyone would have been thinking. but i wasn’t embarassed. strange. i had the mission in mind and i was running to complete the mission.

because of the skirt he was wearing, he wasn’t able to run as fast. he was soon within my reach and i blocked his way. before he would have reacted in any other way (they are often equipped with weapons. or else, he could have shouted and assembled the public), i begged audience. i told him my purpose and he agreed to do the needful – his only grudge- why did i scare him so much. “you could have told me earlier”. “sorry” was what i was able to utter while breathing heavily. i had ran after so long

i came back to my waiting parents with the prized catch. everyone was happy. the hijra blessed my bhabhi and said that she would be mother to five sons. “no, i don’t need that many. just one would do”, bhabhi said. “okays your wishes will be granted”, the hijra said. strangely, he didn’t accept any money in return. before he left the place, mother couldn’t stop from asking him. “why is it that there are none of you visible today.”

he didn’t have an answer. but i had. The murphy’s law was at work.

Single in the city

sushmita bose of “single in the city” fame will not write for the column on hindustan times any more.

she announced her decision to quit the column (she is quitting her job with hindustan times) in her last to last weeks column.

it was sad to know that we no longer would get to know of the travails of sushmita in the big bad city of delhi. it used to be one of my favourite sections on sunday’s newspaper and i would never miss a single issue.

she was also my inspiration behind this blog, although it is not half as interesting as her section.

all the best to sushmita in whichever venture she is choosing next. i hope she has a blog where she will continue writing. Lemme assure her that i will be a loyal reader.

I hate skype

hate skype. not that any other online messenger would have proved help in that scenario. that was an ill fated time and it happened to me. will not keep you guessing for long as to what happened that fateful day and how was skype responsible for it.

here’s what happened.

boss was out of station for 4 out of the 5 working days in the last week. then he was coming on friday and everyone was bent on his/her computer to show that they are working. lemme confess, i learnt that i am able to work more and better in a less noisy environment.

so, do i work in a noisy environment? my colleagues will kill me for writing this. yes. the office i am working at only fears the boss. as soon as the boss is out, work comes to a standstill. the vellas come out of their confines and the noise and clutter and bollywood songs begin.

on friday, boss returned to office and the vellas once again went to the confines of their cubicles and all noise subsided. then the only means of communication is the skype.

although skype is for official internal communication, it is seldom used thus. it is used to pass jokes, puns, and sometimes horny things one comes across on the internet.

boss had come out of his cabin to use the washroom and i felt a sour smell following him. trying to show my smartness, i decided to share this information with a colleague on skype.

but the skype reached the boss.

how? because i was fated.

this will be too technical to explain and i will not want to explain it here. boss had recently sent me a skype and when i clicked on skype, it was his skype window that opened accidentally. unaware of this and not waiting for a second, i sent him this message – lagta hai boss ne gandi wali itr lagayi hai (looks like boss has applied a bad and cheap perfume).

i realised this after the message was sent and i was awe struck. now what…

i rose and announced to other colleagues that i had made a blunder.

watching my face and open mouth, everyone knew there was something serious.

what, they asked.

me: i have sent a skype to boss which was not intended for him.

colleagues: so who was it intended for.

i pointed to the colleague. everyone knew what this colleague and me shared on skype.

me: no didn’t send anything of that sort.

colleagues: so what’s the fear?

me: it was about boss only.

colleague: don’t tell me. what was it?

and everyone came up to check on my laptop.

then the rush of ideas followed.

until he has come back to his room, go and delete that skype.

no that will be dangerous. what if he returns and finds me doing that. that will also delete all his past skype history.

boss returned to his room after a good fifteen minutes. i thought it will be better to tell him the truth. but half truth.

it was right there on his laptop. my stopping him from reading the skype message made him more curious.

he read it but didn’t react in the manner i had thought. no flaring up and rebuking me for misusing the company’s facilities.

instead, he scolded me mildly for indulging in such womanly activities.

i must have known this. he is such a confident person that incidents as these cannot create inferiority complex in him. sometimes i feel like being like boss – so adept at handling the different situations in life.

i couldn’t convince him that it wasn’t meant for him.

but i knew i will not be spared with so less. boss has his own way of traumatising people.

when i came out, everyone was waiting with folded hands about what happed behind closed doors. they relieved a sigh of relief when i told about his reaction.

since then, people couldn’t stop from laughing.

as for me, i didn’t know how to face boss. then there was the fear of boss’s next step.

he called me half an hour before we were to leave for home. it was a meeting of four of us. i came late and he asked me to sit in the middle. i knew the ragging session had begun. then he played the song aditi from jane tu ya jane na and asked me to dance. i said i don’t know to dance and everyone laughed. i had got the indication – any other attempt at belittling the boss can be dangerous.

the turbulence has passed. know that boss will not remember this for long. but as someone told, impression is like a glass. once it breaks, the scars remain forever. thought it would have been so good had there been a time machine and i could have altered just this incident from life. sorry, i didn’t have the luxury.

Mom and Maid

Now you thought your mom had competitive relations with the only other women in your life, your wife.

“who else”, you ask.

even though there is no other women in my life yet, i was still sandwitched in a duel where the parties were my mom and a women in house (not in my life though).

this other women is my maid, who is above fifty (let me state this at the very start)

here’s what happened.

the maid was having a good time at our house. there were two bachelors ready to compromise with whatever she prepared for food and howsoever she kept the house. as mentioned in one of the posts earlier, we weren’t happy with her performance. but there was no choice (these days it is so difficult to get a trustworthy maid).

enter mother. she is here on vacation with her eldest son and daughter in law.

it was difficult to convince her to continue the services of the maid. the concerns are of course on usual lines – the maid belongs to a backward caste. “mom, she has been working for long. did god bring any misfortune to us until now.”

finally she agrees to continue the maid. but she will not be allowed to touch every thing in the kitchen. the maid will only prepare chapatis and wash dishes.

good for the maid. but not for her ego though. how can someone give her orders?

one who seldom absented herself for duty now disappeared without notice. one night there were some guests and the maid was no where to be seen. another day, the maid absented without notice for two days at a stretch. the extra work fell on mother and bhabhi.

mom was already furious at the maid. these instances served as fuel to the fire. can’t she sweep the house regularly? shouldn’t she mop up the house at least twice a week? how much time would that take? she hardly fries the spices; thats why the curry tastes so bad. her chapatis are always burnt. she seldom washes the dishes well.

Me: “mom, most of the things that you talk about are not her duty”, i say. “would your sons do anything more than what is described in their job description?”

Mom: “oh! so you are trying to take sides with this maid”

Me: “who said this”, i say defending myself

but mom is not convinced.

Me:”it’s ok then”, i say. “just tell her to leave from the next month onwards.”

Mom:”why next month? why not tomorrow or maybe today. there is still 10 days for the month to end.”

Me:”mom she is just like us – an employee to someone. how can you ask her to leave at such short a notice?”

Mom: “so what”

Me: “how will she find job so soon?”

Me: “and how will we find another good maid so soon”

Mom: “good maid! my foot”

Me: “at least she never steals anything from house”

Mom: “so you are again taking sides”

i am gagged. saying anything will also find me no repreive. i leave the results of the duel to time.

time surely proves to be a better judge. the maid is still working with us – two years since the time mom visited us. the duels continue each time mom is back to delhi, but i do ensure that i am never sandwitched again.

A hectic weekend

for three weeks i had been postponing meeting a friend. this was the same friend, whose marriage i hadn’t been able to attend because of the evil boss. i know suresh never shows disappointment; but it’s deep down his heart.

no more postponing programs for now.

on saturday noon i called up suresh to inform that we will be meeting the next day, i.e on sunday. he suggested that we meet in cannought place instead of his home. i too wasn’t very eager to go to his home either – he lives with his brother in another corner of delhi. good for me. will have to commute less.

come sunday and once again came the usual thoughts of postponing the program. it’s so hard to spare a sunday for things other than rest.

my mind rebuked me. don’t take relationships for granted. you postponed it last time as well.

ok. ok. lemme at least sleep for an hour more – it’s sunday yaar.

extra sleep – not for me. first the maid. then the dhobi. then a neighbour. for each one of these, i had to go open the door.

finally i gave up and went ahead to freshen up.

we were to meet after noon – so i could well do some washing up. there were some clothes waiting for the last two weeks to clean.

but first i need to clean the room. no the maid will not do it. that doesn’t come under her JD.

prepared the tea and woke up brother. no amount of noise, sunlight, or anything can wake him from his slumber. but the call for tea sure wakes him.

he is slowly having his tea – knows that as soon as he is finished, i would dictate him the various tasks he has to do. he is senior to me, but in domestic chores, he has to accept my orders.

there is only the weekend we have for the house. the cooler is lying damaged since three weeks. the fan in the hall is in inoperatable condition since the same time. he has to get the mechanic to repair these. also an exhaust fan to be put in the kitchen. bhabhi fears going to the kitchen because of the hot climes over there. at least he will do that for his wife.

brother unwillingly goes out in search of the mechanic.

it’s time now to wash the clothes. they appear less in number today. all this time, i was thinking of postponing it until bhabhi returns.

but as soon as i am done with washing and about to go for spinning the clothes that the drain suddenly stops working. now what is the problem with it? looks like it is a bad day for machines in this house.

when i tell brother of the problem with the washing machine, he starts scolding me. “hey, i didn’t do it out of choice. did i damage the cooler and fan? it happened and i don’t know how?”

mechanic says he will check the washing machine later.

it is already 11 by now. i have to hurry up. i quickly take bath and eat two chapatis for lunch. we have plans to eat outside. suresh will treat me for his marriage at some good restaurant.

brother agrees to drop me to the local bus stand. it is already 12 by now. we were to meet at 12.30. that leaves me only 30 minutes for commuting and locating the friend. we have agreed to meet at rajiv chowk metro station, which let me tell you is a big station with several gates. how do i find suresh here. worse, i have forgot my cell phone. i felt there was something missing when i left home. we had come far when i realised this-so off i go without the cell phone.

what’s happened to the buses today. the roads look like a one way – only buses going from the other side – what has happened to buses from my side. finally, i take an auto to vishvidyalaya metro station and from there i reach rajiv chowk, cannought place.

damn, i forgot to wear the watch too. i have no idea of time. looks like people have stopped wearing watch. most of them didn’t have a watch and their cell phones were deep down their denims. i guessed it might be around 12.30, some minutes before or after.

at rajiv chowk and out of the regal gate i start searching for suresh. had there been a cell phone, i had easily given him a call and asked him to come to a particular place. finally i locate a public phone booth and dial suresh. he was standing at the regal cinema.

out of the AC metro, it seemed as if delhi was burning. it sure was – getting hotter to cool the city with rains in the evening.

i congratulate suresh for finally losing his virginity. he always complained about his misfortune at the supply of fair sex in his life. for days he was waiting to describe how he acheived the feat.

he had become a little plump and also his face was glowing – is that what marriage does to a guy? good i too would like to try.

we had no plans. just khana pina and roaming. but what should we eat? where shall we eat? where shall we roam about. no idea about that. also the weather was getting hotter and hotter.

okays lets wander around the place. CP has one of the best crowds to offer. maybe we come across some good restaurant too. also i didn’t want to make it a pure eating outing. let’s enjoy yaar.

first let’s cool ourselves. a glass of lassi would be great. god! this restaurant near regal charged Rs.15 for such small a glass of lassi. the agarwal’s are much better. also the restaurant was burning. we instantly finished our glass and came outside.

Suresh had brought pics from his marriage. didn’t much like the girl. she appeared a bit elder in age – can’t say- pics are misleading.

he was looking good in the kurta pyjama that i had chosen for him. good! my taste is improving.

looked like i was the first with whom he was talking about his married life. while talking, his pitch would automatically rise. since this was a private discussion about private topics, i had to continuously make efforts to lower his pitch.

but there were many stories for suresh to recount – from how he first saw her, to his first conversation, to how they first ate together and many things a little obscene for me to disclose on this blog here. so many that i had to forcibly take leave of him at evening. lemme confide to you that i was aroused at a few times.

okays enough of these.

ate dosas at sagar ratna. then there was idlis. had another glass of lassi. there was ice-cream

there is more. we were hungry and no restaurant was empty. i mean the budget restaurants. at sagar ratna there was a big waiting list. since we were tired of roaming throughout the inner and outer circles of cannought place, i suggested to rest for some minutes at the HDFC ATM. suresh had just spent time at the showroom of shree leather. i remembered how we used to cool off at the corporation bank ATM close to my last office.

by the time we came out of sagar ratna and had a sumptuous south and north indian lunch, it was already 3.30. i still had to wait until 5 when brother would be herding me to kingsway camp. we had to buy the exhaust fan and our monthly supplies from subhiksha. more about it later.

we spent the time at central park. suresh had more stories to tell. this time some of his family members too found mention.

finally i forcefully took leave of him and off we went to the Rajiv Chowk metro station. now i am on my way to vishwa vidyalaya where brother is waiting for me.

a day after a subhiksha stall had been found selling outdated items, there was a program on some news channel that showed how subhiksha was the cheapest of all retail malls and mom and pop stores. what caught my attention was that subhiksha sold ashirwad flour for just Rs. 120. the local retailer at my place sold it for Rs.150.

however, at subhiksha, there was a completely different story. ashirwad atta cost Rs.173. there was no arhar dal. even lux soap was out of stock.

ah bad experience. but i did hear them saying that the flour costs Rs.120 in subhiksha. or may be i heard it wrong.

now we head for KB’s fairprice that had offered us a better experience in the past.

flour was of the same rate here ( the local retailer is a better choice). however they offered a good deal on pulses. while the packed pulses cost way too high, the khula variety came at a very less price. it was not bad in quality though. i can’t compromise with quality.

in the meantime we also purchased an exhaust fan.

it had started drizzling and i was enjoying it. all i feared was that water doesn’t drips inside my supplies or the exhaust fan.

by the time we reached home, i was completely wet. the maid too had reached. we instantly asked her to prepare a cup of tea while we surfed channels.

a really hectic day it was. no rest on the weekend too.