Two pink breasts

i was in the toilet when my eyes suddenly moved to my bulging nipples. i seldom used to wear vests while sleeping and so i was all bare at the top. there was a shocked expression in my eyes. how come i can have breasts, being a boy. lord, why dont you allow me to rest in peace. i was already shy about my feminine features and now this.

this was when i was studying in eighth standard; would have been somewhere around 13-14 years. i still have slightly bulging nipples but they now have turned to brownish black with hairs on the peripheri. back then they were pink and i didnt know what had happened. i had recently started studying human biology and all that i studied here was experimented on my body. particularly the reproduction part where i felt that the teacher knew somehow that i used to release too often.

a child as i was back then, i was really afraid. is this some disease? when my biology books didnt result in any answer, i finally talked about the problem to my mother. she started laughing. finally she ensured me that it’s nothing. just a teenage problem. she recounted 2-3 stories about people who had similar out-growth of breasts and there was nothing to be concerned of.

assured though that this was not a disease, i still couldnt come out in the open with such a thing. i knew people would not restrain from making comments. finally i showed the thing to my childhood friend and he too had nothing but to laugh. finally seeing that i was concerned he too tried to imitate some.

it was peak summer and i seldom used to remove the shirt. earlier i used to wear a vest one size longer. but now i insisted on body clinging vests as the former would show off my protruded breasts.

i remember an instance when all boys were excited about going to swim in a newly created pond, that we used to call swimming pool. my brothers dragged me along with them and i was fretting as this was to be a shirtless swim. i stood at the corners of the pond pinching my nipples, as i had learnt that this wrinkles the nipples for a few minutes. but that day the two pinkies weren’t ready to recede.

slowly i learnt to stop worrying about the breasts as rarely anyone is concerned. also unless anyone watches in detail, which seldom anyone does, they are hardly visible.

Is Jerry dead?

was sifting through my mail box when felt the cell phone vibrating in my left pocket. took it out and saw that it was a call from brother. must be again searching for a lost pair of socks or his hanky. as i took the call and said hello, he said ‘good news’. good news! dont expect any good news now. already had my share of good news this month. now what?

it came out that the rat killer medicine that i had put today had worked. while coming to office i mixed a small amount of this medicine (which i didn’t believe will work as it was very old – i couldn’t trace that vendor of rat medicines in the hatiya) with flour. and barely an hour after, this gigantic rat that i talked about in the last post, tasted it. brother told that he hadn’t seen him eating the lethal flour, yet with flour sprinkled around the bowl, was evidence that the task had been done.

immediately after he had snapped this call, he called again. this time to break the news that the rat was lying numb behind an old cot kept in a corner. he was telling that the rat is not making any movements, till he fears touching it since it can bite him.

in the excitement, i also broke the news to my colleagues at office.

just then brother rang up again. he was in panic. the rat had suddenly started moving and before he could do anything, he disappeared.

now the fate of the rat is unclear. had it died at the moment, we would have known the success of our efforts. now until he comes out in the open, live or dead, we will have to continue living in the dread as earlier.

Piya Ka Ghar

the other day i was watching jaya bhaduri’s ‘piya ka ghar’. though i have seen the film earlier, i always like it. jaya looks like the perfect wife to have. big eyes, long flowing black hair, and so caring about her husband. also liked her in another film depicting a similar plot of husband-wife relationship (don’t remember the name- it was with Vijay Anand).

for those of you who dont know the story, lemme. jaya, who is from the village, is married to a guy who lives in mumbai. now you know how are houses in mumbai. only if you are very rich that you get the luxury of a good home, i.e. a flat. or else you will have to do with a chawl. now dont tell you not know about a chawl. you can buy all the luxuries of life except a house in mumbai, earlier bombay.

the chawl where jaya is married into has only one room. another room has been created out of the already small room through wooden partitions in which the elder brother and his wife lives. jaya has to live in the kitchen. Jaya however was used to big sprawling houses, as they are in the villages.

now, jaya has been taught, as all good girls are, to adjust to whatever her husband and in-laws offer her. she tries a lot. the people in the family are very good to her. but rarely does she get any private time with her husband. sometimes the young devar would insist on sleeping with the caring bhabhi. at other times, she feels shy at doing things that newly wedded couples do, in hearing distance of other family members.

though they try many tactics to resolve the space and privacy crisis, nothing is successful. it is out of dissatisfaction that jaya talks about her desire to live alone. you know i suddenly started disliking jaya for saying this. i know craving for private moments on the part of jaya and her husband was inevitable, but she shouldn’t have done this to such loving family members.

as if by coincidence, her tauji with whom jaya used to live back in village, has arrived and is angry at their lifestyle. they know their shortcoming and so everyone keeps mum. when jaya returns back, she cannot restrain herself and starts weeping. he is fired and wants to take her back to the village.

as for the family members, everyone is ready to make sacrifices to make jaya stay. the sas-sasur plan to go for a tirth yatra. the elder bahu is ready to leave her room. even neighbours are making their small contribution for the cause. a neighbouring cab driver sells his only livelihood to help them pay the pagdi for another house on rent.

on the D-day, jaya regains her conscience and refuses to let go of such a good family. she henceforward decides to happily adjust to the ways of the mumbaikars.

a happy ending.

i liked the movie as it advocated a simple living style, something that corresponds to mine own. also it shows how the prices have shot up over the years. the porter that was willingly taking 1 rupee in those times now cribs even when you pay him rupees 50. and then there were sites from old bombay, which i was comparing from the mumbai that i visited a few years ago.

Mr. Jerry is giving me sleepless nights

these days a rat is giving me sleepless nights. know what this is a rat that commonly resides in the drains. it is half the size of a common indian cat.

first it came through the open drain hole near the wash basin in the kitchen. when i kept a heavy slab, it ate into the plastic duct pipe leading to the drain.

and had it been for a common rat, we would have somehow adjusted with it. but here knowing that this must have tasted the best of muck available in the area to achieve this huge size.

so while i avoid keeping any eating item open, i always fear for the kadai, since it still has some surface open.

and it passed the limits while i was out on a vacation. in the absence of any eatery, it cut my brothers shorts. he had bought it new.

i remember a similar incident that my brother and bhabhi when they shifted to this new house while it was still under construction. there was no window pane and a cat who knew this loophole always used to steal into the house in search of her daily dose.

and such was the dread of this cat that my brother used to have a catty nightmare. in fact he used to keep the milk just beside himself while sleeping (back then we didnt have a refridgerator).

annoyed of this one new intruder into my house, i am planning a strict step. the last week’s hatiya didn’t have the vendor selling the rat killer medicine. and the rat stays alive only until the vendor isn’t seen. So Mr. Jerry get prepared, i am coming.

Sometimes people need reasons to support their folly

sometimes people need reasons to support their folly.

this guy at my office got a very poor rating in appraisal. in fact his was the lowest rating as boss conveyed it to me. i felt bad for him since he was the only one who i talked with here.

Though this guy  was quite depressed the first day, as days passed his anger towards the boss has slowly receded. he is from south india, and as far as my knowledge and experience goes, they are very simple in their thought processes. they seldom are as dirty minded as the northwallahs.

and he passed the limit yesterday when he attributed the poor rating to a typo error. how can there be a typo error where are less than 20 employees to appraise.

and looks like management here wants to chuck him out. first the poor rating and then there was a big spat that he had today with a sales manager. and this guy cannot speak hindi. neither is he very fluent with english. so he isn’t able to prove a strong counterpart in any such fights. had it been me, i wouldn’t have allowed the sales manager to talk thus. there is no glut of jobs. i cannot do with my ego getting hurt.

i am back to delhi

i am back to delhi after my week long vacation in my home land (dont know if that word is correct. not native village as it’s not a village. yeah home town will be cool). and since that journey was after a big long year, the week looked really very miniscule. and yes, the vacation this time wasnt boring as i feared. obviously! there was a full house and my schedule was packed- there was durga puja. then had to visit brother’s sasural. no way for monotony to enter my life.

an uncomfortable facet for my family

Don’t know why I recited the story of that pankaj kapoor telefilm even though i knew it will create uncomfortable scenarios for my father. Grandfather doesn’t live with us. neither does he live with my uncle (who has never been eager to keep dadaji anyways).

after the death of dadi, the most important question was where will dadaji live. most obvious solution was that he would be coming with us. while the others would be big talking on keeping him, everyone went their ways after the shraddh ceremony.

all has not been white in our case. dadaji never stooped a little. in  fact they were so accustomed to live alone that they never liked living with sons.

he kept silent at all time. was understandable since he had just lost his consort of say 50 + years. he would talk only to me at home. that too very less. was an educated person and he had been taught and practiced over years to talk less. see he i saw papa taking the initiative to start talk at times. but the ice too thick to break. 

and after my return to delhi, dadaji used to keep silent at most times. papa too gave up. ma, in spite of the tradition preventing her to talk to a father in law, used to talk to him. but watching no response from his side made her to recede as well.

later i came to know that dadaji is eager to visit his native village. my buas (father’s sister) played for their own benefit. and since then he hasnt returned back. he is living with one of my buas who keep him for the pension that he recieves. father is right to one extent that money plays an important role in building and destroying relationships.

father deters from visiting his village for fear of the uncomfortable questions that people would ask. unfortunately dadaji’s conscience never forced him to make peace with his sons.

Watched a good telefilm

Whenever brother is at home at night, we sure are to have a tussle for who owns the remote. He goes for the action packed flicks and me for more sensible, more content packed television serials and films.

Last saturday they were showing an art film that would particularly appeal to my senses on Lok Sabha channel. And slowly Anupam too started feeling interest in the film.

Pankaj kapoor enacted the role of an old widower in this film who is living with his son (Raghuveer Yadav) and daughter in law (Reema Lagu).

A women without a husband can adjust somehow. But if the same happens to the man, he is stranded with no one to talk. Retirement from work further adds to his woes since he has nothing better to do than sleeping and over-sleeping.

pankaj kappor is undergoing a similar phase in life (though i couldnt see if he lost his wife recently). he has a small group of friends with whom he goes out for strolls in the morning and evening, but on most occasions he is left with nothing else to do than talk to himself and crib on how badly he is being treated by his son and daughter in law.

however, apart from the very normal splats between the generations, the relations are pretty good. the bahu cares for her father in law, taking care that he doesnt eat high calory food like makke ki roti (which can cause ingestion). the son ensures that his father is treated well at home. also the grandsons keep coming to him for listening to stories etc.

in spite of all of these, a gap in communication can be felt amiss. the son wouldnt talk to his father as heartily as he would in his younger days. given to old age, the father has now lesser control over his urinals etc. because of which he would pass of urine on bed. while they would know and discuss about it as a piece of fun, seldom would they try to help their father find an alternative.

and this gap slowly transforms into a huge gully as it normally happens. pankaj kapoor stays right at the doors entrance and because of the urinal and spitting the room is stinking now. the bahu says that father better be shifted to the backyard, which is now being used as a store room. father feels that his son no longer cares from him and so he is throwing him out of the house. when the son comes to disclose this arrangement to father, he is incensed and starts spitting at him. the son, his ego hurt, resorts to force. pankaj kapoor falls as a result. finally finding that there is no one to help him rise, he himself goes to the backyard room.

in the dark of the night, he decides that he has become useless for his family and that he better go to a forest for staying. in the morning, he calls for the local bulluck cart driver to take him to a shiva temple in the forest.

that has broke his son and daughter in law who are basically not like those filmy beta bahus. they realise where they went wrong. the bahu insists upon her husband to recall pankaj kapoor. but its already too late. he has already packed his bags and is already aboard the cart.

pankaj kapoor is old but his good senses have prevailed. his own conscience takes different shapes and coaxes him into returning to the village. many attempts later, the father is finally able to take back his step. and there the story ends.

The day didn’t start smoothly today.

The day didn’t start smoothly today. The water tank had already ended last night and to my horror there was not a drop of water even after putting on the motor in the morning. Had to be a little stingy with using water only to find free flowing water after some time.

Then had difficulty in getting rickshaw. Only when I reached half the distance walking with the heavy laptop bag that I got a rickshaw who charged me the same Rs. 5 from there too. I feared if I would reach the bus stop on time. The new bus I take to office is very particular with time. But since my day was to go badly, the bus went off without even stopping to take in the passengers.

So I was stranded at this bus stop. Now what to do. Go to ISBT and take a bus from there. That would mean another 1 hour spent. It was already 9 and I had to be fast. So I took a bus going through the ring road, hoping to catch some direct bus. But this bus was going only up to Raj Ghat. I hoped it to take me up to IP Depot. Okays whatever, will change bus from Raj Ghat. Many buses to Noida ply from there. But things didn’t turn as rosy even when I reached there. A person who tried to help me with directions in turned added to my harassments. I had to walk all the way to this place only to see that there is no bus even after 15 minutes of waiting.

Now that it was already 10 minutes above 9.30 (reporting time at office) I started getting frantic. Gave a call to Sanjay since I couldn’t find the HR’s number. From there I again spent another Rs. 3 to reach to the main road. Started looking for auto-rickshaws as an option, but unfortunately none was stopping. Those who stopped weren’t ready to go to Noida. It was going to be 10 now and I could feel boss coming before me to ask why I was late. Prayed to lord that boss goes off for a meeting.

Got an auto-rickshaw only from IP Depot. had to shell out 70 bucks for the journey. The drivers were talking as if coming to Noida was a great risk and that’s why the higher fare.

“Majboori ka nam Mahatma Gandhi”. Okays take me to office fast, whatever is the price. We reached office in half an hour. It was going to be 10.45. personal vehicles take far less time than these bus wallahs.

Said my hellos to all. The HR lady was particularly aggrieved at not calling her directly. “You must have called me or boss”. Called boss to inform I will be late- arrgh.

Got off to my work immediately. Will check the mails later in the day. Thankfully boss too didn’t come and ask publicly the reason for the delay.

Later I checked my mails. No special mails there. Also chatted with Anuj. While going through Alootechie, I came across a very good blog, the blogger of which has been commissioned by some publishing house to write a biography kind of novel.

The day was particularly expensive. Believe me I spent 100 bucks for a journey that would in normal days cost just Rs. 10. Also had to treat colleagues for some bread pakoras.

Thankfully in the evening there was some good news awaiting. My railway ticket was confirmed. Still there are no arrangements made for the return back to Delhi.

Even I’m a minority

There’s so much talk these days about majority-minority. Heralding from a majority Brahmin community, I have forever felt victimised by the rules favouring minorities (and not the minorities themselves). Many a times I too have felt a minority.

1. I was born and brought up in a Bengali dominated Dhanbad in spite of being a Bihari.
2. My place did have Biharis. But we were just a few of the Biharis speaking angika in a bhojpuri dominated colony.
3. Angika speaking people are a minority in Jharkhand as well.
4. I am a minority in the Punjabi dominated Delhi.
5. I was the only boy in my class of HR specialising students.
6. My orientation towards one of the most important processes in life also makes me a minority.
7. I am one of the very few guys who will have no future plans even at the age of 27.

If I get to write there will be many more but have to go. Food is getting cold now. So meet you some other day on this blog.